Saturday, September 28, 2013

UPDATE: The Residence at River House

As it turns out, those wily property gossips at Business Insider got their lucky mittens on designer Tony Ingrao's proposed floor plan for the 62,000 square foot Residence at River House, listed this week with an attention grabbing $130 million price tag. We'll let the children pour over the details and parse the merits of the excessively super-sized apartment but here are a few tidbits to whet your floor plan porn whistle...

At more than 41 feet long, the (partly) double-height grand entry measures more than 1,000 square feet with elliptical staircase and an elevator for traversing the townhouse-type apartment's five floors. We noted the his and her powder poopers—hers has two terlit stalls and his has a stand up urinal—as well as a guest coat closet that's an astounding 17 feet long. There are large vestibule entries to both the cavernous living room and the equally capacious library which both have 20-foot ceilings and river views.

In addition to a full spa with make-up and massage rooms—not to mention separate steam room and sauna that are each as big as a large bedroom—the 27,500 square foot two-level leisure complex includes a second full kitchen and a fitness area that's more than 100-feet long and outfitted with a convenient half bathroom and a wet bar that's perfect for a boozy, mid-work out pick-me-up. There's also a two-lane bowling alley, a 45-foot long wine cellar, a 900-square foot billiard room, and an indoor tennis court with viewing benches and a wet bar. That's right, butter beans, an indoor tennis court. It would be, as far as Your Mama knows, the only private indoor tennis court in all of Manhattan. Mister Ingrao's plan calls for a leisure complex mezzanine level with a  a screening room and game room (with yet another wet bar) but does not, it seems, include a bathroom.

The top floor river-view master suite, about 4,000 square feet all by itself, has a separate sitting room and bed chamber that are divided by pocket doors and combined stretch more almost 62 feet. In addition to dual bathrooms that are each significantly larger than an unusually spacious Manhattan studio apartment, both the his and the her boutique-sized dressing rooms have separate walk-in closets for out of season clothing storage. Her closet also has a separate, walk-in shoe closet. Three hotel suite-style guest/family bedrooms that share a (windowless) lounge each have private compartmentalized bathrooms and walk-in closets.

The 6,000+ square foot back-of-house staff quarters are spread across two floors. On the upper staff level we spotted three dedicated staff bedrooms, each with private bathroom and walk-in closet plus a 65-foot long staff lounge with kitchen. A second, completely windowless staff lounge on the lower staff level (behind the master and guest bedrooms) has a second kitchen(ette) plus a massive laundry area with walk-in linen storage rooms, a bulk storage pantry and a built-in ironing table.

floor plans: Brown Harris Stevens via Business Insider

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Obviously fit only for a Saudi sheikh or some pampered princess.

Anonymous said...

Paging Candy Spelling

Anonymous said...

Yikes. Enough already with the current gilded age. An indoor tennis court?

Anonymous said...

Hey anon 11:05
You try and use up 62,000 square feet of mostly windowless space! Lol

WrteStufLA said...

Now THIS is what I call PORN!! (I've already used up half a canister of Wet Wipes!)

Anonymous said...

I think 6000 feet for the help is too much. They be all up in there fraternizing and such. Perhaps if the space was finished, a buyer it would attract. I'm in a dozen donuts, it will be further subdivided into a mix of retail/residential. Someone give The Donald's people a call. Anything that man license's his name to seems to sell.

Anonymous said...

Shalom Mama and Kinderlach:

The Rabbi religiously believes Mr. Ingrao's proposed repurposed River Club provides lots of space with limited hominess (which iPhone attempted to correct to holiness, oy vey). She speculates the River House coop board might-possibly-lower its criteria a teensy bit when reviewing prospective purchasers for this enormous space, or even subdivide the area into smaller units.

You see, Kinderlach, River Club at River House is no longer fiscally feasible. The board is exploring construction of a new, scaled-down, in-house club, because when one resides in Yachupitz (the middle of nowhere; I.e, Midtown East), an in-house club is de rigueur.

And the rendering of the proposed library in the preceding post? It looks haunted!

Rabbi Hedda LaCasa
Discount Exorcism Specialist

Anonymous said...

$130 million for unimproved, mostly windowless commercial space in an area too far east to ever be considered midtown? Who the hell thought this was a good idea?

mudflapmomma said...

Wait? There is ONE fireplace in that whole joint? What a rip!

Anonymous said...

Fab. I love it!!

Anonymous said...

This is the very definition of floorplan porn.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous September 28, 2013 at 1:23 PM: BITTER POOR PERSON ALERT! BITTER POOR PERSON ALERT!

Anonymous said...

Tony should be able to buy every fully grown specimen tree on the east end of Long Island if this some day comes to fruition -- and the buyer chooses him as the designer. I presume that River House isn't requiring that, but rather commissioned him to come up with some vision for the space.

Have to say that for a building so renowned for being quiet and conservative this is a bizarre tack to now be taking. I'm sure some deceased former residents/board members are rolling around in their graves, and I'd bet more than a few current ones aren't too happy with the publicity either.

Anonymous said...

I'm confused. I'm trying to compare the floorplans to the exterior and I'm coming up short.
I know there are bigger ceilings and mezzanines, but it's like the bay windows don't quite fit.
Maybe I just need to load another bowl and try this again

Anonymous said...

Sidestepping the vulgarity of this enterprise and looking at practicality, three staff rooms are woefully inadequate for a residence of this size and complexity. (Note there are two rooms marked as Staff #2) I would guess a minimum of six staff would be needed to manage this property if the owners were in residence. I'm left wondering if the architect knows what is needed to run a large house?

Anonymous said...

I agree that mopping an indoor tennis court thrice a day does require more than three staff members. I expect a residence manager, cook, and maid will occupy the staff rooms. The other help will likely commute over an hour on the train to enjoy a typical 14 to 16 hour day. I might also add, you could line that staff lounge with bunk beds for days, so conceivably you could have a staff of up to 40 in there...provided the doorman takes the money.

Anonymous said...

@10:45am
There aren't enough windows for more staff rooms.
You might be able to add a tiny bedroom back in that staff lounge, but it would have to be small so you didn't lose access to the service elevator.
And then there would be an awkward fire escape door in that new staff room and to accommodate the other staff room you'd have to lose that big walk in closet and put a door out in that service hall.
It's just such a jumbled mess once you leave the living room

Anonymous said...

The Kinderlach desiring a bargain may wish to purchase across the way at 450 East 52nd Street. The Rabbi worships this building, known as The Campanile and dubbed Wit's End by Dorothy Parker. The former Mayfair Yacht Club, once a most swanky speakeasy, is also on the market for residential conversion. The Campanile has a storied past: Greta Garbo lived on the 5th floor, and Rex Harrison, Mary Martin, Ethel Barrymore, the Rothchilds, and the Heinz 57 guy were also residents.

Rabbi Hedda LaCasa
Discount Exorcism Specialist
Results guaranteed for 90 days

Anonymous said...


Dear Anonymous: September 29, 2013 at 9:17 AM

Of the many things in life I am, bitter is most certainly not one of them. I also have no idea as to what parameters you are using to gauge my financial health.
If you took offense at my post, I am sorry. I am certainly at a loss, as to what set you off. Nothing I wrote, warrants such unkindness. Perhaps I should enlist the Rabbi to invoke some prayers or chants to cleanse this room of your anger. Buyer beware: exercise caution before contracting plastic surgery or blessings that are discounted. (No disrespect meant to The Rabbi Hedda LaCasa)
In forgiveness, friendship and love,
Anonymous September 28, 2013 at 1:23 PM

Sandpiper said...




Grotesque.

Anonymous said...

River House is a co-op. If it were a condo The Residence at River House would probably be priced higher. Maybe more like $170 Million.

Just a thought.

Michael said...

There´s no shower at the tennis court?? ;)

lil' gay boy said...

Dearest Rebbe,

What happens on day 91? Can I opt for an extension package (for a nominal fee?)

I suspect, like Anon 9:37, that this is more about publicity.

However, it is heartbreakingly sad to tart up such a dignified gray lady -- somewhat akin to giving Maggie Smith a flame-red perm, full Snookie makeup, and stuffing her like a high-fat-content sausage into a lurid lavender spandex Addidas tracksuit.

Anonymous said...

It's a good thing this is so totally self-contained that you needn't leave home because midtown east is a desert. Other than numerous dry cleaners and pet grooming establishments, there are no decent restaurants or shops, no grocery stores, no nothin'.

River House is like a morgue -- and now has a mausoleum.

Anonymous said...

Damn you!
There's no topping that

Ulises said...

Does this listing mean that the famous River Club is history?And if the River Club is history then so are many of the famous amenities RiverHouse has.The amenities and architecture make this building maybe the finest in the city.With the amenities gone, and with 20% of apartments subdivided in the 40s-60s, i think Riverhouse itself is HISTORY.